yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
