you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
