Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
