i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's the barista slut.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
