You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
