Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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