guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We have started to decorate penises.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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