the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
