I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
