Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
