Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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