Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
