ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
