He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
