i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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