Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
