i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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