My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
