he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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