True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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