and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
