Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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