I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
