i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize