i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
