you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
