I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
