I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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