I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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