You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Randomize
