Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
