Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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