It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
