i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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