Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
