I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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