He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
