K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
