Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
