he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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