Pants 0. Shit 1.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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