sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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