So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
