hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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