so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
