Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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