I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
