dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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