oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
