3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize