Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
whose parrot is this?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
