good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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