Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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