maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
