He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's the barista slut.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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