on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
