I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
