His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize