I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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