just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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