you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
