how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
