i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
