We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
