just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
