we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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