apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think i have two assholes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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