Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
