Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
