Umm I'm too high to move.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
