ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
