i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i drank out of a bidet.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize