my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
