these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
